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Copyediting and Written Work by ACE Copyediting.com
The following pages contain samples of my copyediting and written work. You will benefit from examining them carefully, because you want to hire someone who writes and copyedits for quality, regardless of the type of document. Click on the title of the type of document you would like to examine, or scroll down to peruse a little of everything.
Company Usage Guide Business Report Company Brochure Employee Commendation Employee Recommendation Fiction Nonfiction Custom Birthday Tribute Custom Retirement Tribute
Many copy editors are using the World Wide Web to advertise their freelance services. It is "risky" to hire one to work on your documents without a clear knowledge of the experience and capabilities of the person with whom you contract. Many conglomerate sites send their business to offshore editors and these editors use software to make "glaring error" corrections. I carefully read your entire document for content presentation and analyze it for a series of problems before I begin my copyediting. I am confident you will like what you see and read on this site.
Seventy-three percent of employers
say the writing, spelling, and grammatical skills
of public high school graduates are either fair or poor.
NOTE from ACE Copyediting.com: A recent poll of business professionals found that 80% lacked confidence in their use of the English language. If you admit to being a part of this vast majority, you will find a guide like this one helpful. Please understand that "experts" differ in their explanations of what is acceptable and unacceptable in today’s business writing; but, after studying many sources, the following examples are considered the consensus. Our desire is to help you express yourself with greater confidence and ease and to make your written communication more precise and dynamic.
If you decide your company needs a personalized writing guide, after reading the following examples, ACE Copyediting.com can work with you to produce one. Each company (industry) has a "language" that is unique to its business niche. A personalized guide can deal with those vocabulary differences.
Here is a sample of what your company’s usage guide might contain:
Guide for Company Uniformity in the Written Word
Introduction
"English is a remarkably clear, flexible, and useful language. We should use it in all of our communications." —Daniel O’Neal, Jr.
Our company is establishing this standardized usage guide to lessen confusion and the lack of uniformity that is occurring in our documents. Commonly used phraseology and spellings in our published company documents (e.g., product releases and brochures, workshop materials, sign-up brochures, manuals), in formal correspondence with our clients, and in internal memorandums, differ too often with each writer. The result is frequently a diminished respect for our company on the part of important customers. No one in our company is immune to this malady. Our officers and managers are as confused as the newest employee, regarding which standards to use. How, for instance, do you write the following: zipcode, Zip code, ZIP Code, ZIPcode? What does ZIP mean?
It is not the purpose of this guide to criticize your writing skills, but merely to bring to your attention that our company now has a manual that each employee can keep handy for daily referral, whenever a written project is being developed. Pedestrian, slipshod, or muddled writing creates mistrust, confusion, and feelings of incompetence that may reflect on our company image or our company products. Crisp and to-the-point writing captures our readers' attention and earns respect and trust from the very beginning. The result: lower administrative costs, lighter work loads, less time spent explaining intentions over the phone, and an enhanced company reputation for quality. Our company strives for excellence in our product (s) and service (s), and we feel strongly that our written documents should reflect that quality.
Thank you for taking the time to thoroughly read this writing guide, for reflecting on your particular writing weaknesses, and for caring enough to work with us in elevating our levels of writing skills.
"Don’t be afraid to seize whatever you have written and cut it to ribbons. It can always be restored to its original condition in the morning." —E. B. White
Glossary
Data:
Today, data is regarded as a collective noun, appropriate for use not only as a term referring to one set of facts, but also to a body or assemblage of information. The singular word datum is rarely used. There is still considerable debate over whether or not data should always take a singular verb. Most companies today have decided to use data as a plural subject taking a plural verb and a plural pronoun. From a marketing viewpoint, the proper use of this noun might well cause readers to pause and take a closer look at what is being said. If you are in the business of selling data, take a close look at the following examples.
Wrong: This data is not worth its salt. The data forms the basis for our programming. (use data as a singular subject, taking singular verbs, and singular pronouns)
Correct: These data are essential to our success. The data soon take on a life of their own. Data form the basis for our business. (use data as a plural subject, with plural verbs, and plural pronouns)
Pronunciation: dahta is preferred by a few sources, but Webster’s New World College Dictionary, Fourth Edition, and most American companies, prefer dayta.
Database/data base:
This is a hard one. Webster’s Dictionary, New Revised Edition, has placed data base (2 words) as the preferred spelling, with database a second choice. We see both spellings used in publications, from newspapers to computer magazines to correspondence with various clients. In the Handbook of Business English, data base is also used as two words. The trend in the business and computer world, however, is toward using database as one word. Our company will always use database as one word. (Whichever version you select, have every employee use it consistently, in every written document.)
Smithes’ Fine Furniture:
Usually, singular common and proper nouns show possession by adding an apostrophe and an s ('s). It is, therefore, absolutely correct to write:
Smithes’s employees wonder if they should use this rule in the strict sense of the rule, or drop the last s, because it looks and sounds awkward.
Since most grammatical authorities tell us we have a choice, it is also correct to use the possessive of our company's name in the following manner:
Smithes’ policies are not only fair, but generous.
Our company has decided to use the latter. From now on, please use only Smithes' when using our company name in written form.
Payer/payor:
Although you are probably accustomed to seeing payor on many documents, especially in the healthcare or accounting fields, payer is the correct spelling. There is no such word as "payor."
Wrong: What is the payor mix in the community’s hospital district?
Correct: The payer mix varies by product line.
ZIP Code:
ZIP is an acronym for Zone Improvement Plan. Acronyms are written in all capital letters and without punctuation. They are pronounced as words (SALT), rather than by letter (YWCA). ZIP Code is a proper noun (i.e., the name of a particular code, as in Morse Code), and is, therefore, capitalized.
Wrong: Make sure every letter and package contains the correct zipcode in the address.
Wrong: Our marketing letters were returned for lack of correct Zip codes.
Right: ZIP Codes are an important element in any mass mailing.
Usage
"Mend your speech a little, lest it mar your fortune." —Shakespeare
Many of us, in our company, hold positions that include writing as part of our jobs. Often, we are in a hurry—or under stress—and end up writing whatever first comes to mind. We edit the document with a quick computer spelling check (not realizing that if a real word is typed, but the wrong word, no correction will be made), and a cursory glance. We make little to no attempt to revise and adjust the wording, until we have said exactly what we intended to say. It doesn’t seem to matter how skilled or knowledgeable we are about our subject matter; when it comes to putting our thoughts into print, we all too often find ourselves resorting to worn-out expressions, stilted overly-formal prose, redundancies, and ineffective business "jargon." Consult the following examples for assistance in improving your personal skills:
A. Confused/Misused Words
All right/ alright:
The correct spelling of this "word" is the first one. Alright is never correct in acceptable usage. The word "alright" doesn’t exist, even though you see it spelled this way in publications and contemporary music and even on television ads. It is merely being misspelled! (Michael Jackson and Dee Dee Messina are two performers who have written albums using the misspelled version!)
Wrong: It is not alright for Eddie Murphy to have named his album Alright!
Correct: "All right!" exclaimed Eddie. "Next time I’ll spell the name of my album with two words!"
Anxious/ eager:
It is easy to remember which of these words to use in your writing. Anxious is involved with anxiety and denotes apprehension and uneasiness. It is incorrect, therefore, to say, "Barbara and I are anxious to work with your association members." You are not uneasy about it; you are "highly desirous" of working with them!
Wrong: David and Jean are anxious to meet with you next week.
Correct: We are eager to meet with you next month, to plan our workshop.
Between:
Between is a preposition. It should be used either before a plural noun (The space between our desks is too large.) or in conjunction with and. It is never used with the word or.
Correct: You must choose between IBM and our company.
Wrong: You must choose between Robert or Mary for the project.
B. Redundancies
Business communication should be as free of wordiness as possible. Try to make each word carry its own weight. Padding not only makes longer documents, it causes confusion. Drop excess words that have the same meaning in your phrases.
absolute necessity:
Wrong: Eating three meals a day is an absolute necessity for good health.
Correct: Drinking water is a necessity too many of us ignore.
attached hereto:
Wrong: Attached hereto, you will find the material you requested.
Correct: I have attached the material you requested.
classified into groups:
Wrong: We have classified into groups everyone participating in the study.
Correct: We have classified the participating companies.
component parts:
Wrong: Several of the component parts were missing.
Correct: Several important components were missing.
C. Jargon
The dictionary defines jargon as "gibberish; incoherent speech; speech or writing full of long, unfamiliar, or roundabout words or phrases."
Sometimes people within a particular profession use jargon (shop talk) that is unfamiliar to others, but understandable to them.
While jargon is absolutely appropriate for an audience/reader that knows it, it can sound pretentious to others. Business writing is often amuck with affectations, in the mistaken belief that the document will sound more important.
D. Clichés
benefit of the doubt a capacity crowd took a drastic action
equal to the occasion last analysis part and parcel
moment of truth keep options open a select few
II. Business Report
The following is an example of a typical company report that needed substantive copyediting. I show you the original, the editing process, and the final version.
Original wording:
"Whether it is the provision of a product or a service, the same basic approach is taken to make assessments of quality or effectiveness. As the principles of process analysis dictate, there are three basic components.
Inputs are basic resources that are acquired by someone to accomplish a particular result. They are either products (such as cars, cameras, or computers) or service organizations (such as travel agencies or insurance companies).
Process involves the actions required to produce a product or service and achieve the desired outcome. For example, the photographer’s use of the various mechanical and electrical functions of a camera, or in the case of a travel agency, providing the airline tickets needed to take a trip.
Output (Outcomes) are the actual results that are produced using the process. For the preceding examples, outcomes would be a photograph and actually taking the trip that was planned.
The application of this construct to effectiveness and quality measurement involves the recognition that Outcomes obtained through the use of either a product or a service are influenced by both Inputs and Process. In the example of a camera, the quality of the picture produced is determined by both the particular camera used (e.g. a Nikon 2000F) and the functional operations of that camera (e.g. light meter sensitive to background light). For a travel agency, it is the agency selected (e.g. Travel Horizons) and exactly what policies and actions are provided by them (e.g. delivery of airline tickets).
From the perspective of the buyer or user, judgments regarding quality and effectiveness of alternative products or services (e.g. Inputs) are based upon examination of measures of performance (e.g. Output)."
Editing Process:
"Whether it is the provision of a product or a service, the same basic approach is taken to
makethe assessmentsof quality or effectiveness. As the principles of process analysis dictate, there are always three basic components.are basic resources
Inputs
that are acquiredneeded by someone to accomplish a particular result. They are either raw materialsproducts (such as cars, cameras, or computers)or a service organizations (such as travel agencies or insurance companies).. A photographer uses film and a camera.Process involves the actions required to produce a
product or service and achieve thedesiredoutcomeresult.For example, theA photographer’susesof thevarious mechanical and electrical functions ofn a camera while taking a picture., or in the case of a travel agency, providing the airline tickets needed to take a trip.Outputs (Outcomes) are the actual results
that are producedof using the process.For the p receding examples, outcomes would be a photograph and actually taking the trip that was planned.Photographs are the result of a photographer's activity.The application of this
constructapproach to effectiveness and quality measurement involves the recognition that Outcomes obtained through the use of either a product or a service are influenced by both Inputs and Process.In the example of a camera,The quality ofthe picture producedphotographs is determined by both the particular camera used (e.g., a Nikon 2000F) and the functional operations of that camera (e.g.i.e., the proper response of the light meter sensitive to background light).For a travel agency, it is the agency selected (e.g. Travel Horizons) and exactly what policies and actions are provided by them (e.g. delivery of airline tickets).From the perspective of the buyer or user, judgments regarding quality and effectiveness of an alternative
products or services (e.g. Inputs)Process are based upon examination of measures of performance (e.g., Output)."
Final Version
"Whether it is the provision of a product or a service, the same basic approach is taken to the assessment of quality or effectiveness. As the principles of process analysis dictate, there are three basic components.
are basic resources needed by someone to accomplish a particular result. They are either raw products or a service organization. A photographer uses film and a camera.Inputs
Process involves the actions required to achieve a desired outcome. A photographer uses various mechanical and electrical functions on a camera while taking a picture.
Outputs (Outcomes) are the actual results of using the process. Photographs are the results of a photographer’s activity.
The application of this approach to effectiveness and quality measurement involves the recognition that Outcomes obtained through the use of either a product or a service are influenced by both Inputs and Process. The quality of photographs is determined by both the particular camera used (e.g., a Nikon 2000F) and the functional operations of that camera (i.e., the proper response of the light meter sensitive to background light).
From the perspective of a buyer or user, judgments regarding the quality and effectiveness of an alternative Process are based on an examination of measures of performance (i.e., Output)."
(A Framework for Measuring Hospital Effectiveness, A Special Report to the California Association of Hospitals and Health Systems & the California Regional Hospital Councils, December 1992, Datis Corporation {purchased in a merger and now defunct}.)
III. Company Brochure
The following is a sample of a typical company brochure needing extensive revision. It contains many grammatical agreement errors. Important: A company is a singular subject and must take singular pronouns and verbs. "It's" is not a pronoun; it is a contraction for "it is."
Original Version:
SN&R South has built it's reputation by providing their customers with proven dedication to excellence and customer service. They expend all their efforts turning your ideas into reality, by creating molds that surpass their clients expectations. Regardless of the type of mold, it's level of complexity or sophistication, SN&R South can fulfill your requirements. SN&R South has been featured in National publications for their accomplishments in innovative design and product development.
As a leading manufacturer of plastic molds, SN&R South has over 35 years of experience in the most demanding of industries.
Committed to the highest level of mold manufacturing, SN&R South has developed and produced a wide range of molds for a variety of industry sectors that include: Computer & Television Components, Automotive Instrumentation, Medical Devices and Toy products.
NOTE: The preceding script has many grammatical and writing errors. I have underlined several involving agreement of subject and pronoun, capitalization, punctuation, and the switching of voice and tenses, as well as considerable redundancies. Read the edited version to see how it will immediately elevate a client's impression of the company and its product and services. Note that a company is a singular subject and does not take a plural pronoun.
Edited Version:
SN&R South has over thirty-five years of experience as a leading manufacturer of plastic molds. It has been featured in national publications, for its accomplishments in innovative design and product development and for its proven dedication to excellence and customer service. It has turned customers' ideas into reality, by creating molds that surpass their expectations, regardless of the type or its level of complexity or sophistication.
SN&R South has developed and produced a wide range of molds for a variety of industry sectors, which include: computer and television components, automotive instrumentation, medical devices, and toy products.
The following is an example of an officer's commendation of a loyal employee, who also received a certificate and a gift for exemplary service. I wrote the commendation for the officer.
My congratulations and expression of personal appreciation for your achievements at Dormers are long past due. On June 22nd, after six years of commendable service, you became Dormers' most senior employee. No one has worked here longer than you, except for me! Last August, at the company picnic, you were cited as the 1992-93 Employee of the Year (a fitting way to celebrate your 5-year anniversary with us), but the title in no way spoke of the extent of your value to us.
From the very beginning, you have epitomized the ideal employee - one who has taken complete ownership and accountability for the completion and shipment of . . . .
Thank you for your dedication, your dependability, your suggestions for improving our product and services, and especially for the results of your outstanding skills. Dormers owes a great deal of its success to your perseverance.
The following is an example of an officer's recommendation for a departing employee.
I wrote the recommendation for the officer.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
Because of a recent merger and reorganization of our company, many positions were consolidated or altered in manners unacceptable to our employees. Jane Doe, who will mark her fifth year of employment next month, finds herself in the latter position. Based in our Minnesota office, Jane began her tenure as a part-time employee, providing secretarial and organizational services for our regional sales director and seven other sales representatives. She quickly earned a full-time position and progressed to increasingly greater responsibilities, eventually in telesales; she is currently Marketing Services Coordinator for a seven state area and a sales representative for two states. Jane consistently demonstrated her ability to adapt to a variety of assignments and to work with all levels of personnel and clients . . . .
VI. Fiction
Original version: I have underlined a few problems in spelling and punctuation.
Machiavelli took his ragged brigade form La Villita to the Alamo. The band of thirty men and women plotted their attack briefly then began the pep rally they would need to endure in order to lift their spirits and get them amped up for the attack.
Merivella lead the group in cheers, pumping his fists in the air, while chanting Machiavelli over and over until the crowd joined in. Hearing the chants thrilled Machiavelli. He left his seat next to Charlie and Vigo, to rush into the middle of the crowd of soldiers and begin his brief speech.
"Guys, gals, Ramses has oppressed us long enough. It's time for us to take a stand to fight for what should rightfully be ours. Gone are the days of old and the rules of the ancient and decrepit of our kind. It's a new day, our day. Our time has come to rule this kindred. To take from those that would keep from us what we deserve. To establish the vampire race as the supreme beings. Follow me now and you will have a place at the top. You'll enjoy prosperity and success. I promise, once we defeat Ramses and Zapporoah, we'll all live like kings!
"Are you with me?" Machiavelli screamed with his clinched fist in the air.
"Yeah!" Members of the crowd yelled back sporadically.
"Awesome," Machiavelli howled.
"Yeah!" they retorted.
"I can't hear you!"
"Yeah!"
"What?"
"Yeah!"
"What?"
"Yeah!"
"Then follow me!" Machiavelli yelled, running from the Alamo towards Ramses estate.
Machiavelli's excitement at his own words blanketed the crowd, they would follow him anywhere. Not so much because of his poor and ill prepared speech or his promises but his sheer enthusiasm itself. His tattered band rushed behind him on fleet feet holding their weapons muzzle to the sky as they ran."
Substantively edited version:
Machiavelli took his ragged brigade from La Villita to the Alamo. The band of thirty men and women carefully plotted their attack and then began a pep rally, to lift their spirits in preparation for the attack.
Merivella led the group in several cheers, pumping his fists in the air while chanting Machiavelli’s name over and over again, until everyone was involved. Hearing the chants thrilled Machiavelli. He left his seat next to Charlie and Vigo and dashed into the middle of the small band of soldiers to begin his brief speech. "Ramses has oppressed us long enough!" he shouted. "It is time for us to take a stand and fight for what is rightfully ours! We are not living in Egypt. We are not living in any of the past ten centuries. We are about to enter a new millennium. It is time for change. It is time for new leaders, for new rules. It is time to establish the vampire race as the master race. We are supreme beings. Follow me now and every one of you will have a place at the top! You will enjoy prosperity and fame! I make you this promise . . . once we defeat Ramses and Zapporoah, we will all live like kings! Are you with me?" Machiavelli lifted his clenched fist and shook it.
"Yeah! We’re with you!" the members of the crowd yelled in unison.
"Can we do this?" Machiavelli bellowed.
"Yeah! Let’s go! Let’s go!" the crowd roared.
"Then follow me!"
(Absence of Faith, Jones, E. Carter, c2000, Writer's Club Press)
VII. Non-fiction
The following example reflects extensive editing of a medical-theme book written for the lay public.
Original Version:
What Exactly is Urinary Incontinence?
"The most general statement defining it would be that it is an inability to control the bladder and hold the urine. The following definitions are of main types of urinary incontinence and descriptions of symptoms specific to these types. They all pertain to the functioning of the lower urinary tract (bladder, bladder neck, sphincter and urethra). Some of these symptoms may be intertwined with some other symptoms to the extent that the clear diagnosis may not be initially possible. In such a case, more extensive laboratory evaluation, such as urodynamic analysis, may be necessary, to isolate the specific cause of causes of the incontinence. At any event, the definitions below will help the reader to get acquainted with some principal symptoms specific to the stress, urge and mixed incontinence."
Edited Version:
What Exactly is Urinary Incontinence?
"The most general definition of incontinence is that it is an inability to control the bladder and hold urine. In the following paragraphs, more specific definitions of the various types of urinary incontinence and descriptions of symptoms specific to these types are provided. They all pertain to the functioning of the lower urinary tract (bladder, bladder neck, sphincter and urethra). Some of these symptoms may be intertwined with a few other symptoms, to the extent that a clear diagnosis may not be initially possible by the consulting physician. In such a case, more extensive laboratory evaluation (such as urodynamic analysis) may be necessary, in order to isolate the specific cause or causes of the incontinence."
(Elements of Incontinence: A Woman's Guide to Bladder Control, Kulitz, A., Ph.D., c1999, self-published)
Original Version of a S. Korean client's letter:
Korea Consumer’s XXX is most authoritative organization that survey the general for each industry field and publish it. This year, for first time, this institution include overseas education service field for their survey object.
Total of about 800 enterprises were selected after surveying the general for brand recognition and satisfaction. We were finally awarded the number 1 for overseas education field, showing the wide gap from No. 2.
The number of Korean students that study abroad has been on the increase steadily with more than two thousands going out per year, and with overseas education becoming the important social issue. Hence, this would have been included in the General.
Edited Version:
Korea's XXX is the most authoritative organization in the business of surveying the general public for the value and effectiveness of many industries' services. This year, for the first time, the XXX included the overseas education service sector in its research analyses.
The XXX selected approximately 800 enterprises for this particular evaluation. After surveying the general public for brand recognition and overall satisfaction, [our company] was awarded the Number One position in the field of overseas education, showing a remarkably wide lead over the company in the Number Two position.
The number of Korean students studying abroad has increased steadily in recent years, with more than 200,000 leaving our shores each year. Overseas education has quickly become an important social issue. [Our company] is pleased with the results of this survey, because the company’s continuous goal is to provide the best possible service for each student seeking it services. The company and its staff will work hard to maintain the trust and confidence that is indicative in the results of this Forum survey.
VIII. Custom Birthday Tribute
The following are partial examples of two special birthday tributes: the first celebrates a successful businessman's fiftieth birthday, and the second recognizes the life of an eighty-year old mother.
In honor of a fiftieth birthday:
An occasion like this is perfect for quoting people more well-known than yourself, especially when the occasion calls for words of wisdom. The following quotes speak directly of John Doe, and before I’m through speaking, you’ll know why.
Every act of progress the world has ever known began first with a dreamer. After him came the scientist or the statesman, the expert or the technician. But FIRST came the dreamer. - Rabbi Maurice Davis
To dream is easy, but to have the dream become reality is difficult and is achieved only with hard dedicated work. - Ann Poling
The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man’s foot long enough to enable him to put the other somewhat higher. - Thomas Henry Huxley
An entrepreneur is a dreamer. John Doe has been and still is a dreamer . . . .
In honor of an eightieth birthday:
An 80th birthday is a milestone, Mom. I would like this message to be a lasting reminder of how special you are to me.
Any birthday is a day of special happiness . . . a day for sharing heartfelt feelings and memories galore. . . It provides an opportunity to celebrate the lifetime of a very important and special person. You are that important and special person to me and have been for a very long time! James Garfield once said, "If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit must not grow old." Your spirit of youth, after eighty long years, remains strong and vibrant and continues to challenge me.
(only a partial example)
I wrote the following tribute for a corporate officer who needed to contribute to a special scrapbook being prepared for the honoree:
Dear Friend,
Your retirement from the [state X association] has coincided with the serious illness of my sister. Although you are looking forward to the next exciting experiences in your lifetime, my sister's have very possibly come to an end. Her situation has made me increasingly aware of the meaning of life and the effect we have on each other as we experience it.
At one time or other, you have probably had someone ask you, as I have, "What do you want inscribed on your tombstone?" The real question being asked was likely, "What do you want your life to be about?" Knowing you, our answers were no doubt the same. We want to have made some kind of positive difference.
You have made a positive difference to our industry, in general, and to me, in particular. Your leadership of Michigan's [X association] has been exemplary. From my perspective, you have continuously conveyed a feeling of excitement for the evolving changes and gone out of your way to encourage the sharing of information and utilization of new and better methods with others . . . .
A partial tribute.
Policy:
At any time during the project, if either of us decide our relationship or expectations differ from those assumed during the initial contact, either one of us or both may cancel the project, AFTER payment has been made for work completed. All copyediting or copywriting is fulfilled to the best of my ability and according to the Code of Fair Practice.
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